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第116章 《修真界的末日演习翻车》（1 / 1）
当“九霄封魔剑阵”在云层之上亮起第七重剑光时，负责观测的青云门长老正对着全息投影点头——剑阵模拟的“九幽冥狱封印”完美复现了古籍记载的威压，连海底电缆都被迫弯曲成应龙盘踞的姿态。然而这份严谨在第三十六秒被打破：剑阵核心的“破军剑”突然不受控地劈向海底，七千伏高压电缆在青紫色雷光中炸成漫天碳化碎片，整座滨海城的霓虹招牌瞬间熄灭，唯有修真者们的飞剑还在空中划出焦黑的轨迹。
火锅店“牛油烈焰”的老板老张是第一个发现商机的人。他抄起电磁炉插头插进柴油发电机，把冷藏柜里冻了半年的毛肚哗啦倒进沸腾的红汤：“停电怕个球！咱家牛油锅底自带永动机属性！”食客们举着手机电筒围拢过来，光束扫过沸腾的汤底时，一片毛肚正裹着花椒在辣油里翻滚。戴金链子的胖哥突然拍桌：“这毛肚咋回事？嚼着像在啃高压电闸！”后厨传来老张的怒吼：“那是剑气劈过的电缆绝缘层！爱涮不涮！”
而在城西修真者联盟总部，阵法科科长陆小凤正对着冒烟的罗盘发愁。全息沙盘上，本该镇压在东海海眼的“幽冥寒气”正顺着电缆裂口涌入城市管网，导致全市三十八家火锅店的牛油锅底集体结晶成黑色立方体。更糟糕的是，某位元婴期长老的本命飞剑卡在变电站里，剑穗上挂着的辟邪符咒被电流激活，此刻正把整个街区投影成《西游记》片头曲的动态壁纸。
黑色幽默在午夜达到巅峰。
“老板！这虾滑是不是掺了月华凝露？”穿貂皮大衣的妹子尖叫着后退，她刚捞起的虾滑在碗里蠕动成眼球状，“你们火锅店变异食材也太逼真了！”
“变异你大爷！”老张抄起漏勺敲她面前的电磁炉，“这是剑阵辐射催生的荧光海蜇！再哔哔把你冻成冰雕当镇店之宝！”
混乱中，某位元婴修士的储物袋突然炸开，飞溅出的符箓把天花板烧出个窟窿。掉下来的镇魂铃不偏不倚砸中冷藏柜，被剑气劈过的电缆残骸突然滋滋作响，柜门上的电子屏闪过一行血字：【暗物质涮煮模式加载中——】
这场闹剧的终章始于一锅误食电缆碎片的毛肚。
当第一个食客把泛着蓝光的毛肚塞进嘴里时，他瞳孔里突然浮现出密密麻麻的二进制代码。三秒后，他对着消防栓玻璃倒影露出诡笑：“原来你们把星图藏在海底电缆里……”此刻，所有火锅店的铜锅同时震颤，锅底凝结的黑色晶体正将顾客们摄入的麻辣汤底转化为幽绿色能量流——而城东某栋烂尾楼顶，陆小凤颤抖的手指悬停在“启动全域断电保护”的按钮上，他面前的监控屏显示，全市火锅店的热成像画面里，无数人头顶正浮现出与古籍记载完全一致的“封印阵眼”虚影。
（伏笔揭示：铜锅在吸收剑阵溢散的暗物质后，其分子结构已与星图产生量子纠缠。当全市食客摄入的麻辣汤底达到临界值时，所有铜锅将自动拼接成完整的传送阵——而第一块传送阵碎片，此刻正嵌在老张那台柴油发电机的火花塞里。）
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